Sonnet: The River

[dougs.livejournal.com]

loneraven has started issuing five-minute challenges on the [mash-slash] Y! group again.

This took more than five minutes, which -- from me -- is sort of traditional. It's a sonnet, which -- from me -- is sort of traditional as well. And they never quite manage to get it together, which -- from me -- is perhaps most traditional of all.
Pairing should be evident.

The River

The river calls: I find my rod and flies
and wonder if, today, the fish are game.
I go to stand beneath the dark-bright skies
and wonder if, in part, I work the same.

I cast the fly I tied the night before
and tempt them with its dances in the sun
and wonder if another kind of lure
is worth the pain it causes when it's won.

A boy there is who dances like this fly,
who brings me things to sign then runs away.
I want, so much, to bite -- I don't know why,
but something makes me hold my lips at bay.

I stand here in the river's flow and sigh
while chances, like the water, pass me by.

Comments

[takenhawkeye.livejournal.com]

A lovely, adoring piece. Quite amazing really. Sonnets are far from easy, and yet you make them look just that. Astounding job -- I really enjoyed this and I do like it a lot.

Quite a talent that you possess.

Farewell.

[ex-likethesu695.livejournal.com]

This is really lovely. I'm impressed by how gracefully you integrate the metaphor, especially in that final couplet: "I stand here in the river's flow and sigh/while chances, like the water, pass me by." (I don't know why I'm quoting that back at you, since I expect you know what your final couplet was!) Very nice job.