Words are poisoned darts of pleasure.

[sarcasticsra]

Hello everyone. ^_^ Yay for fics. Here is a bit of Hawkney from me. XD

Title: Need
Author: Duh.
Rating: PG
Summary: A deleted scene from “Bless You, Hawkeye.”
Pairing: Hawkeye/Sidney
Disclaimer: Yeah, MASH isn’t mine, even though that would’ve been awesome. Of course, making it even slashier than it already was would’ve been some feat.


You’re called when they can’t figure out what is making me sneeze and why I feel as if I’m about to die. I guess they figured since it isn’t physical, it must be mental.

It seems they were right.

It was odd seeing you again; it’s been awhile. But I suppose you’ve been avoiding me for a reason, haven’t you?

I know what happened last time you were here was... different, but it wasn’t bad. No, never bad.

Even with the tension between us, you’re still calm, you’re still polite, you’re still kind, you’re still helpful, you’re still professional.

Although you’re also a little distant and sitting too far away from me.

After you’ve helped me discover what’s wrong with me, can we talk about what’s wrong with us, please?

“That elephant in the room isn’t getting any smaller,” I say, looking at you pointedly.

You sigh. “No, I don’t suppose it is.”

“So, now that I’m no longer sneezing ever other second, can we talk about... what happened?”

You sigh again. “Hawkeye, I can’t help but feel I... took advantage of the situation... last time.”

My eyes widen. Well, I certainly hadn’t been expecting that. “What?” I ask. “I’m a big boy, you know. I’m not helpless.”

“I know, Hawkeye, but you’re not just my friend, you’re my patient and I - ”

“Hold on. Did you hear me complaining? Did you hear me doing anything but enjoying it?”

“No, but - ”

“No, stop right there. No is right. You gave me just what I needed that night.” I paused. “The thing is... I think I still need it.”

“Hawkeye, I don’t think - no, I can guarantee you that that’s not a good idea. We don’t see each other often and can you imagine the trouble we’d get into if someone found out - ”

I interrupt you again. I’m doing that a lot, lately. Normally I love to hear you talk - your voice is calm and soothing. Today, however, I want you to listen.

“I know we don’t see each other often - that’s why it’d be perfect. You wouldn’t get sick of me.” I smirk, trying to lighten the mood a little. You manage a weak smile, but nothing more. I continue: “And, we won’t get caught, not if we’re careful enough. Besides, what’s a little rule-breaking to me?”

“Hawkeye, I can’t. I’m your psychiatrist. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Then tell me you didn’t enjoy it and that you don’t want it again and I’ll drop it and never bother you again.”

You close your eyes. “You know I can’t do that and still be honest.”

“Exactly my point. Come here.” You open your eyes to see me patting a spot on the cot for you to sit. You hesitate before moving to sit there.

You look like you’re about to saying something, but I’ve had enough talking. I kiss you.

I’m not sure how long we sit there kissing, but when we pull away, we’re both breathless. You open your mouth to say something, but I shake my head to indicate that words are not necessary. Nodding, you seem to understand and you kiss me again.

This is when I understand; your avoidance, your distance, and your hesitance were all for a reason.

I’m not the only one who needs this.


-End

Cross-posted to my LJ and FF.net

Comments

[stillwell.livejournal.com]

Wow, this is such a sweet turn of events. Interesting pairing, too *

[sarcasticsra]

Thank you much. ^_^

[subluxate]

Oh, good. You noticed the awesome slash-dripping and awkwardness too! Not that I'm surprised or anything, since we talked about it while I was watching it =P

I think MST'ing is helping you stay more in character. By reading bad!fic, you're getting ideas of what NOT to do (though I doubt you were ever Megan Faye-level), and it seems to be helping you.

Beyond that, not much to say. I'm becoming almost as much a sucker for good Hawkney as good Hawpper, and this qualifies as good Hawkney to me.

[sarcasticsra]

Thank you! ^_^

You won't believe it - I found her email! I'm SO writing her; how can I not? I have to tell her that she's killing the characters.

Of course, I'll be suitably polite, even though I'd like to yell at her.

[subluxate]

YOU FOUND HER EMAIL! Yes! I'm half-tempted to try to get you to send her your open letter, but that would be too cruel...or not. This is Megan Faye, after all. =P

[sarcasticsra]

This is what I said:

*blink*

Dear, I'm trying to find a polite way to say this... so bear with me.

I don't know if you realize it, but, your fanfic reeks. At least your M*A*S*H fanfic, I'm not sure about your other fanfics.

It's horribly OOC, the grammar and spelling mistakes are numerous, and sometimes it doesn't really make all that much sense.

I'm a slash fan, too, and your B-eye? Was scary. Very very scary. Not only was BJ some random person we've never met (because that wasn't the BJ from the show) but Hawkeye was a stranger too. And what was that "Maggie" business? When was Margaret ever called Maggie? And when was Colonel Potter referred to as "Sherm" by Hawkeye or BJ, ever?

When did Radar become taller than Margaret? When did Charles lose his eloquence? Since when has Hawkeye cried randomly at the smallest things and WHAT made you think that BJ could so easily leave his family?
And Sidney? Oh, poor Sidney. What did you do to the calm, mild-mannered shrink? He doesn't yell or exclaim or flip out and I sincerely believe him yelling "WHOA?!?!" is out of the question.

Then, there was your Father Mulcahy fic with Gail. The basic plot was - Mulcahy angsts. Gail angsts. Mulcahy randomly leaves the priesthood and calls Gail. They have coffee. Mulcahy professes his love. They get married. They have a family. The end.

Seriously - what? Were you watching the same show I was? Mulcahy is so much a priest it's scary. Granted, I like Mulcahy fic, but Mulcahy fic won't work out happily. He's a priest who will always be a priest. It defines him. The man became part DEAF and he didn't leave the priesthood. He's not going to leave it randomly after two seconds of consideration.

Please, please, please, for the sake of M*A*S*H fans, watch the show more often, REALLY look at your fics, and get a beta. People will thank you for it, and ultimately, you'll become a better writer.

The purpose of this is not to flame you, since I do not know you personally and I wish you no personal ill. I'm just trying to let you know that despite what others may have told you, your fan fic is not very good. I've read worse, yes, but is that how you want your fics described?

Good luck, and I hope you do take this seriously and thus improve your writing skills.

Hmmm. I wonder if I'll get a response.

[subluxate]

You've read worse? Really?

Very polite way of talking to her. I hope you get a reply that's not too...angry.

[sarcasticsra]

Well, I've read worse fic in general, but hers is probably the worst M*A*S*H fic I've read. Of course, I'm sure worse M*A*S*H fic exists. Hers at least had SOME semblance of grammar and spelling; it cUdVe BeN tYpEd lIeK dI5 tEh h0lE tYmE.

[subluxate]

...I know people who do that.

Then again, I live in California.

[sarcasticsra]

No one I talk to is quite that bad, thankfully. They at least type so you're capable of comprehending them.

[subluxate]

I'm engaged to a nerd, and my brother can be worse. Reading "1337" (as they insist on calling it) comes almost *shudders* naturally.

[sarcasticsra]

Haha, my cousin calls it l3375p34k. She doesn't use it, unless she's being a smart ass, same as me. I know how to read it too, but I find it annoying.

[subluxate]

Oh, it's most annoying. I have to admit it's useful for passwords, though--most "1337" I've seen varies from person to person, so it's hard to guess.

[sarcasticsra]

She responded!

Actually, i know it sucks, I hate reading it to this day. However, I am only 22 now, and if it seems to have been written by a 13 year old girl, its because I was 13 when I wrote it. Its lame, but its mine. My Charmed fanfic that I work on now is pretty good in my opinion, and that's the only one that counts. If you hate them, why read them?

I'll tell you why- boredom. The same reason you wrote me the letter. You were bored and the fanfic served its purposed for killing time


Thanks for reading!

~Megan

I suppose she has a point. But still... if you know they suck... why not rewrite them or take them down?

[subluxate]

Haha, yeah. It's good that she knows, though. Off I go to write a term paper...

Wow

[meganfaye1983]

God, was I REALLY this big of a Smeghead!?! I know my stories are incredibly terrible!!

Shit, even I laugh at the level of terrible. I wrote them when I was 13, maybe 14. I was questioning my sexuality, had no real friends to speak of, and it was an outlet. However bad they were, it was something I went through. I've certainly improved with age, as has my writing. (That you Jesus for Spell check now!! People can almost understand my stuff!)

To all of the poor bastards who survived my M*A*S*H crap, I offer you this: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9661257/1/Home

Doctor Who crap!!! (Still pretty bad, but fun!!)

~Megan Faye (now 31, and not writing crappy MASH fics!)

Re: Wow

[sarcasticsra]

This is gonna sound possibly weird, but I'm kind of embarrassed about the whole MST thing now too. We were ALL basically in the same boat--weird, burgeoning queer kids just kinda trying to figure shit out, using writing/fanfic as an outlet. Lord knows a lot of my fic from the time period was shit-tastic. (I mock my own nonsense these days.) But hey, it was fun, it helped me out, glad I wrote it.

So...yeah. The badfic stage! We've all been there. Sorry we kinda latched onto yours out of all the badfic in existence.

Re: Wow

[meganfaye1983]

Lol, no worries. It was kinda funny; the MST3K thing...

Do you still write?

Re: Wow

[sarcasticsra]

Oh, sure. A lot of it is original fic these days, but all my newer fics are up at AO3 (plus a couple older fics that I deemed not too terrible, lol.)

I still technically have a DW fic journal floating about, but I am so far behind in updating it. AO3 has just taken over. It's interesting, the evolution fandom has gone through over the years.

Re: Wow

[meganfaye1983]

I still write when I have time, but I have a 3-year-old with Autism, so it rarely happens.

On the M*A*S*H side of things, earlier this week, my family and I went up to Malibu Creek and hiked into the M*A*S*H site. They still have the sign post, a couple of old ambulances, some cool photo ops.....If you are near LA, I recommend it! (6 miles round trip hike. They say it is 5, but no way is it less than 6.)

[canpin.livejournal.com]

where can i find this awful fic???

[sarcasticsra]

Teh H0rrible Arkive

The story I'm talking about is "Who Woulda Thought."

Who Woulda Thought

[meganfaye1983]

I hope I have successfully destroyed all copies.

[hotspur18.livejournal.com]

You know, I promised Epigone this pairing in return for the timeline, and I don't know whether to whimper and give up in the face of this (which just nailed how I see this might, possibly, could happen) or cheer because yes! It can be done!

And as always, because it was you, it was absolutely fantastic. And I love your Sidney here so much.

*looks optimistic* Can I friend you?

[sarcasticsra]

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed!

Certainly! ^_^ *friends back*

[nikita79x.livejournal.com]

Oh, nice! I wouldn't normally think of this pairing, but it really works here. Nice characterizations and the tension between them felt real.

[sarcasticsra]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. ^_^

[qzee.livejournal.com]

I like your Hawkeye/Sidney, they're very believable. Thanks for posting.

[sarcasticsra]

Thank you! ^^