Part 7 of seven, Willful, Hawkeye/Sidney

[qzee.livejournal.com]

Title: Willful
Fandom: M*A*S*H
Pairing: Sidney Freedman/Hawkeye Pierce
Disclaimer: not mine, not making any money from this.
Part 6 of 7, the other parts can be found: "Part one", "Part two", "Part three", "part four", "part five", "part six"
***
We said goodbye today, for we are both headed home. We’ve made promises that we will call each other when we get home and I will investigate the possibility of opening a practice in Portland Maine, which is near Crabapple Cove. We’ll need to live there for a few years so that Hawkeye can fully recover from the horrors he’s seen. Horrors that I can barely imagine.


We’ve made other promises. Hawkeye says he will tell his father about us and believes his father will be happy for him. I will talk to my mother, my sister and my brother about us and hope they won’t disown me. I will try not to worry about whether or not I’ll be the only Jew in Portland or whether or not the city is ready for a psychologist. I will try not to worry that Rabbi Cohen will condemn me. I will try to remember that I believe G_d accepts me for who I am and rejoices that I have found love.

I will try not to worry that Hawkeye is clinging onto me because he sees me as his security blanket now and has since his little episode a few weeks ago. I will try to trust that he loves me, wants me, and is willing to risk everything to be with me. I will try to remember that if we face too much harassment or prejudice in Portland that we could move to New York city and blend in with the underground gay community there. I will try to remember that Crabapple cove is only 400 miles away from New York city and that it would take us two days to travel there, at the most.

I will try to remember that the love and commitment I feel is worth all this worry that I’m trying not to have. I will try to hold onto my faith that Hawkeye will still want to be with me once he’s adjusted to being safely home.

If needed, I will go to Crabapple Cove to plead with Hawkeye to give our love a chance. For our love is worth fighting for, worth defending, and worth celebrating.

And one day, should it ever be possible, I will marry Hawkeye under a Chuppah.