Mini-fics 1-3/?, JordanDesolated

[jordandesolated.livejournal.com]

Alright. Because I'm completely insane, and because I just received the entire M*A*S*H collection in the mail... I've decided to write a short fic off of each of the episodes as I watch them. Keep in mind that these won't all be actually related to the episode; some probably will, but many will simply be writing off one line, or even a specific pairing which seemed obvious in that one. Which means I'm going to have all sorts of out-there pairings, I think, but I'm sad to say that I'm kind of falling in love with all of them... but anyway, here are the first three episodes! Four fics, though, because I couldn't help writing two for the pilot. I'm not hugely happy with all of them, but... hey. =) Hope you enjoy!

Title: Mini-fics 1-3/?
Author: JordanDesolated
Pairings:  Frank/Margaret, Frank/Hawkeye, Radar/Henry, Hawkeye/Trapper, Trapper/Frank
Rating: 17+
Warnings:  Vague (imagined) rape themes, non-graphic sex
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Please don't sue me.

Episode:  M*A*S*H -- The Pilot
Pairings:  Frank/Margaret, slight Frank/Hawkeye
Warnings:  Vague (imagined) rape themes

“Since when are you interested in the bible?”
“I skipped to the end, Frank. The devil did it.”

Sometimes Frank imagines himself as a monster. He grows horns and watches from above as he – painted the classic red – sneaks around the camp, smashing a bottle from Henry's liquor cabinet for every time the Colonel has favored Hawkeye over him, punishing Margaret in ways he won't even let himself even think of normally but which can't deny his lust for now – he wants to bite her and claim her and mark her with his hands, to prove that he is a man, and that she is his, and that he can and will kill the next man at whom she looks the way he longs for her too look at him, all admiration, and maybe even a little love. He slips invisible into the OR to tear open the bowels of Trapper's patients with claws he only dreams he has, sharper than any scalpel to prove himself the better doctor despite what he might jeer though that mask of his own -- though uncaring in the deaths of soldiers who he can't quite bring himself to think of as brave, because part of him still believes righteousness to be a shield; that any man as loyal and strong as he is, he imagines, should be able to walk through shells and enemy fire and emerge unscathed. He teaches the enlisted men not to laugh at him the way they do, snarls and roars like an animal as he tears his own uniform apart, stomping oak leaves into the ground and trying not to let the growls turn to screams as he cries onto the world, up and including Douglas MacArthur and the god, to explain why this is what he's ended up. A monster, this character and villain, while Hawkeye plays the hero and everything he's fought for slips away.

Episode:  M*A*S*H -- The Pilot
Pairings:  Henry/Radar
Warnings: None

“When'd he sign these?”
“He thought he was ordering a ton of ice cream. Fudge ripple.”

Even though he knows he shouldn't, Henry signs everything Radar puts in front of him. It isn't that he's an idiot, even though with the way things go around the 4077 he sometimes feels like he is. Back at home, he doesn't just go around scrawling his name on every piece of paper which is shoved under his nose. He'd have been barred from the practice of medicine long before he was ever drafted if he did, because there were only so many proscriptions you could give out for opiates and other useful but also pretty fun (not that he knew that himself, of course) medications before they caught on that maybe you weren't completely on your rocker.

It wasn't even that Henry just didn't want to bother with the army's nonsense – he was good at the army's nonsense. It was nice to have structure, clear paths to follow (even if they often didn't lead where you really wanted to get, or anywhere at all, for that matter,) and there was almost always a general or someone higher up to blame.

It was Radar himself that was the problem. The way the boy (because he was a boy, barely older than his eldest, though Henry couldn't quite bring himself to think of him that way,) smiled like he was the most innocent guy in the world, all dimples and glasses and that little birthmark just off center of his forehead which on anyone else would have seemed like a blemish, but somehow only made Radar seem more endearing. The way he seemed to be more in Henry's mind than anyone else had ever been, always anticipating what he'd need next, and showing up even before he wanted him. It made Henry want to trust that he knew what was best, that anything the Radar could ask him to do would turn out alright. It was a good thing, really, that only Pierce and McIntyre seemed to have caught on to the fact that Radar could make Henry do just about anything, because such a thing would have been deadly in the hands of the enemy. He's a Colonel, after all. Well, a Lieutenant Colonel, but that makes him important all the same.

“Need your signature on these, sir.”
“Hm? Oh. Yes, Radar.”

Episode:  To Market, To Market
Pairings: Frank/Hawkeye, Hawkeye/Trapper 
Warnings: None

“How does a guy who's so bad with a needle always know right where to jab us?"


There are times when Hawkeye is truly impressed by the way Frank operates. He doesn't mean in the actual OR – he wouldn't dare even think a compliment toward the man where surgery is concerned, lest Radar catch it from his mind and spread the news throughout the camp that Hawkeye Pierce doesn't really hate the Major. No -- it's true. Frank Burns is a horrible surgeon, and shouldn't be allowed near a superficial laceration with a butter knife in his opinion, but Hawkeye can't help but be impressed by his exactness when other things are – the way he always knows just where to find the soft underbelly and cut there, to bring the right insecurities to light in the dark, as inept and pointless as most of his attempts to change things seem in the light itself.

“Which nurse is he with tonight?” Frank whispers into the shared air between them, his breath so close that it's still hot on Hawkeye's face, and there's nothing to do but kiss him angrily and wish that he wanted Trapper as much as Frank still thinks that he does.

Episode:  Requiem for a Lightweight
Pairings: Frank/Hawkeye, Hawkeye/Trapper 
Warnings: Non-graphic sex

“You've got a cute body! I see guys sneaking peaks at you during calisthenics!”


They got Nurse Cutler back, but it's with each other they celebrate first, Trapper finding himself on his back yet again as soon as they reach the Swamp, but not really caring this time. Hawkeye's clothes absorb the slow-to-dry droplets of sweat remaining on Trapper's chest, and his tongue picks up the excess, ringing the already darkening, swollen flesh around his eye to soothe it and whispering almost soundlessly that as cute as he might have always been during morning calisthenics, he'd been nothing short of sexy in that ring, and Trapper is already hard and begging for more when Margie shows up for what is supposed to be their official celebration.