Further ficlets

[danakszoul.livejournal.com]

Author: Anne Marsh
Title: uh... Ficlet
Pairing: H/T
Rating: Teenish?
Spoiler Warning: None this time. This could go after pretty much any episode...
Disclaimer: I don't own Hawkeye, I don't own Trapper. I do own a purple martini glass, which I am drinking out of right now. It's like a regular martini glass, but gay.
Feedback: is good for the soul.



The two men stood, inspecting their identical badges of courage with a strange kind of pride and satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment.

"I guess we're the lucky ones." Trapper said. "All our battle scars come from the war between the sexes."

"Yeah. Hey, how many people do you think saw those two girls slap us?"

"I don't know, but whatever the number is, by tomorrow it'll have doubled."

Hawkeye laughed. "Come on, we got our alibi all set up. Now, to go off, alone, to drown our sorrows in the wilderness and moonshine!"

"Alone together."

"Naturally."

"Not too much wilderness."

"Well, no, that could be dangerous. And probably unsanitary."

"Just a loaf of wilderness, a bottle of moonshine, and thou."

"Oh, you know I'm a sucker for poetry."

"Drink to me only with thine eyes, there's more for me that way."

"Or leave a kiss within the cup, and I'll not ask if you'll still respect me in the morning."

"Aw, Hawk, at *least* as much as I respect you now."

A stop at the Swamp to gether 'supplies', and then they were ready to sneak off. It seemed like a solid plan, until...

"Halt! Who goes there?"

"Nobody." Hawkeye raised his hands, a task made only slightly more difficult by the pitcher of gin and two glasses he carried.

"Yeah, except us chickens." Trapper added, attempting to do the same with his arms full of blanket.

"What's going on?" They were confronted, at closer range now, by a highly-suspicious man in a dress.

"We're running off on a lovers' tryst."

"Come on, you wouldn't ruin the evening for two guys in love, would ya?"

"Ha-ha, very funny, you guys." Klinger crossed his arms, glaring up at them. "What, you think I'm gullible or something? Now what are you guys really up to?"

"But we told you. He doesn't believe us, Hawk."

"Of course I don't believe you! If you were really doing that, it's the last thing you'd tell me. Unless... Hey, you wouldn't try stealing *my* schtick, would you?"

"Steal your schtick? Never!" Hawkeye said, wide-eyed.

"Yeah, heaven forbid!"

"It's Trapper's schtick I'm interested in."

"Look, I'm on sentry duty. It'd reflect real badly on me if I let you guys just sneak off like that!" Beat. "So I never saw you."

"Thanks, Klinger!"

"You're a pal!"

"Hey-- Hey!" He called after them. "If anyone asks, I was sleeping when you passed me! I was dreaming about being the Archduke of Monkey Island! I talk in my sleep-- no, wait, I *walk* in my sleep! Wait, no--"

They slipped away from Klinger's escalating attempts at being unfit for duty, between the tents, into the dubious wilderness just past their perimeter. It didn't offer any privacy during the day, but after dark, it was all right, and more importantly, free of landmines, and the perfect spot for spreading out a blanket-- Frank's-- in the grass, getting pleasantly tipsy, and enjoying each other's company.

Sure, they'd have to return before morning, but sometimes a stolen moment was enough.

---/-/---

FIN




Author: Anne Marsh
Title: Business Girl
Rating: still teen-ish? (is so bad at this)
Spoiler Warning: A little for 'Officer of the Day'
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. (I have met the writer for the episodes 'Lil' (season seven) and 'The Best of Enemies' (season nine). He doesn't own anything, either. Suppose that puts me in good company, at least.)
Feedback: It's what's for breakfast.



Radar was pacing the compound all through the next evening.

"Aw, come on, lighten up, Radar." Trapper entreated.

"I just don't see how you sirs let that happen!" He said, distressed.

Hawkeye came out of the clerk's office to join them. "It's all straightened out-- they're sending over someone relatively sane to pick the kid up. At least there'll be a trial."

He didn't sound very convinced, and Trapper put an arm around him. "There will be."

"I can't promise it'll be a fair one..."

"Come on, it'll be fair."

"Or that he won't be executed anyway."

"Well, not if he didn't do something horrible to deserve it! I mean-- he probably won't be."

"I hate this." He sighed, slumping against the other doctor.

"Well, I hate this, too!" Radar chimed in, voice higher than usual.

"Radar?" Hawkeye seemed to notice him for the first time. "What's the matter?"

"What's the matter?" He demanded, both shrill and rhetorical. "What's the matter? You just-- You sirs just let-- Last night, the-- When you--"

"Radar, go breathe into a paper bag. We could probably fit all of you into a paper bag, it'll be easier that way."

He didn't protest the short joke, and that alone let them know that whatever had upset him was serious. "I don't have a paper bag!"

"Do you want a sedative?"

"Hawk!" Trapper chided.

"What? He'd sleep for a couple hours." He shrugged. "It's better than hyperventilating."

"No, Sirs. I couldn't sleep if you gave me a elephant sedative! I'm too upset!"

"Radar, you'd sleep if we gave you a *rabbit* sedative."

"Do they make rabbit sedatives? I'm just asking, 'cause, well I don't need one now, but--"

"No, Radar, they don-- Why are you too upset?" Hawkeye sighed. If you had to explain a joke, it wasn't funny.

"Because you let that CI-whatever-he-is Colonel drive off with Klinger in the back!"

"Dressed as a business girl." He snickered.

"That's not funny!" Radar whined. "It's really serious, Colonel Flagg is gonna be really upset, and now Klinger is AWOL wearing a dress and that maniac has him!"

"So he'll get brought back here." Trapper shrugged.

"What if he doesn't get brought back here?"

Trapper and Hawkeye exchanged looks. The thought had clearly never occured to them.

"Radar, he *always* gets brought back here."

"He could get in a lot of trouble, and you sirs should have stopped him." He crossed his arms. "I don't even wanna *think* about what the Colonel might do."

"Yeah, especially if he's in the mood for a bus--"

"Not now, Trap." Hawkeye interrupted. He'd wanted to make the same joke, but it was becoming more and more obvious that this was not the time.

Trapper nodded and moved back, letting Hawkeye take over the job of talking to Radar.

"Look... Radar, there's a kid in there, and maybe he's a spy, but maybe he's not. And if he isn't, then he shouldn't be executed. What if he's on our side, huh? Wouldn't that be terrible?"

"It'd be terrible if Klinger got executed, and we already know he's on our side!"

"Well... that's debatable, but Flagg's not going to shoot Klinger. He might feel like it, but he won't."

"Are you sure? 'Cause he's said how it's in his jurisdiction to shoot people if he has to, and-- and--"

"He doesn't have to, though. The MPs'll bring Klinger back, like always, and that'll be the end of it."

Radar's lip wobbled a little. He made a brave attempt to keep it from happening, but to no avail. "Gee, you promise?"

"Yeah." Hawkeye squeezed his shoulder.

"Well... well, okay. But I still think you shouldn't have done that."

"He's a grown man, he can cook up his own harebrained schemes."

"Well just think of how you'd feel if it was your best friend being abducted by a crazy army intelligence guy! You wouldn't want Captain MacIntyre going off with Colonel Flagg!"

"I don't think I have to worry," Hawkeye said, a little shakier than usual. "Flagg's not Trapper's type."

There'd been a gun on them earlier... On all of them, him and Trapper and Frank and Hot Lips, but it wasn't until the barrel pointed at Trapper that Hawkeye had given in.

Well, lied about giving in, anyway.

He reached over and gave Radar a real hug. "Don't worry about it, kid."

---/-/---

Hawkeye and Trapper dragged a couple of chairs out in front of Henry's office and watched Radar pace. Night fell. And fell. And fell. It was almost as if night was falling down a flight of stairs.

And then, Radar stopped.

Trapper groaned.

Hawkeye sighed.

They both knew that look, that head-cocked-to-the-side, intense-concentration look. Incoming.

Except that Radar didn't yell 'choppers'. He kept listening a moment, then his features fell into a relieved smile.

Moments later, a jeep pulled up, and the two MPs pulled a protesting Klinger out of the back.

Reports were given, papers were signed, and eventually the jeep rattled off.

"That wasn't much of a leave." Klinger dusted himself off. "Hey, I lost my purse..."

"You're the one who didn't want to wait for a pass." Hawkeye shrugged, face a mask of wide-eyed innocence.

"You're the one who said I could hitch a ride on the next stretcher out of this place." Klinger stuck his tongue out.

"Aw, you didn't even get the chance to change your dress." Trapper said, in mock-commiseration. "Well, that's okay, I'm sure you can find a GI looking for a good time somewhere around here.

"Uh, welcome home." Radar muttered.

Klinger grinned at him. "Radar. You lookin' for a good time?"

"Uh, well, I, uh, that is, uh,"

"C'mon." He looped his arm through Radar's and dragged the little clerk off.

Hawkeye and Trapper watched them go before turning to each other.

"What do you think? The beginning of a beautiful romance?"

"Beautiful?"

"Whatever." Hawkeye shrugged. "Let's you and me go find someplace quiet."

Trapper couldn't really think of anything to say to that.

Except 'yes', in varying pitches, several times, over the following half hour.

---/-/---

FIN

=^_^=
Anne