[mijmeraar] You Never See the Lonely Me, Pt 1 of 1, 15+

[mijmeraar.livejournal.com]

Title: You Never See the Lonely Me.
Author: mijmeraar
Pairing: BJ/Hawkeye
Rating: 15 +

“There’s something I should tell you.” Hawkeye’s words are slurred, stuck together, thick with bourbon, with sticky Korean heat. His fingers fumble at the hem of BJ’s shirt, moving it up and down as if he can’t decide, yes, no, yes, don’t know.

“You’re a vegetarian?” BJ rasps, and his back is heavy on the cot, and it’s barely fit for one man let alone two. Let alone two men striving to be one.

“Not since yesterday,” Hawkeye tells BJ’s neck, can’t meet his eyes, can’t show the scattered pieces [l words, real words, oaths] “The truth is, I’m an impostor.”

“Intelligence?”

“Enough to tie my shoelaces.”

BJ bucks his hips and pulls urgently at Hawkeye’s pants, making fists, biting his lips, needing it so bad, now. “Enough to find your way around,” he says, and his thrusts move way past suggestive.

Hawkeye repositions and it feels like they’re touching everywhere, except the places they won’t touch on. “I’m not the man I pretend to be,” he says, then a kiss, a kiss, one more.

“Hawkeye?”

“Right. Him. That guy.”

BJ’s hands are under cloth and against hot skin and up, up, til they’re scraping back down with dull nails. “Care to elaborate on that?”

Hawkeye has honey hair threaded in his hands, and he says, “Just thought you should know there are things you’ll never know,” with a shrug of one shoulder, tilt of his head. BJ doesn’t pause for breath, doesn’t do much else but hold on tighter, “I know you better than I know myself.”

Hawkeye’s face is buried in BJ’s neck, his heart further down, and there’s friction and static and there’s hands working buttons, and there’s, “I don’t know me without you,” because it’s the truth, and it’s the only one they have.