Fic: Too Much

[almaviva.livejournal.com]

Hi. This is my first time posting here and, incidentally, my first M*A*S*H story. I've written slash in other fandoms, but not yet this one--I'm working my way up to it.

Title: Too much
Author: Dani
Fandom: M*A*S*H
Pairing: Hawkeye/Trapper
Disclaimer: Fanfiction. This is a fictional story based on the characters of the tv series M*A*S*H.


Hawkeye tosses and turns in his small cot, trying to get comfortable--or warm, which ever comes first. Twentyeight hours of meatball surgery should earn a guy some rest, he thinks, But two hours later, and there's nothing. It's the winter chill that the tent walls barely keeps at bay or the dinner of what the cook called meatloaf and mashed potatoes or Frank's snores. It's the war and Korea, and being so lonely that he can't bare it for one more moment. Feels he'll go insane if he does.

"Hawke."

"Yeah." His voice is rough but not with tears. Not yet. He hasn't cried once over here and isn't going to start now. Isn't going to cry for his lonliness when he didn't cry when he signed the death certificates of ten boys who won't ever have the chance to be lonely again.

"You want to talk?"

"No."

"You want to drink?"

"Already did. The war's still here."

"That's the thing about wars."

"Yeah." Hawkeye flips over in his bed, bringing his covers with him, wrapping them tightly around his shoulders. "What do you hate the most, Trap?"

"Don't know." Trapper is quiet again, but Hawkeye knows the answer is coming, even when he says he doesn't know. He smiles in the dark, encouraged with the knowledge that at least that doesn't change. It takes several minutes, but Hawkeye is rewarded for his patience. "Probably when it's quiet like this. Like all of Korea is holding its breath, waiting. Of course, ask me again when the bombs are falling and I'll tell you something else."

"Yeah." Not the most inspired answer, but Hawkeye knows what he means: the quiet is too quiet and the loud is too loud, the hot is too hot and the cold is too cold. Everything is extremes in Korea, and sometimes it feels like a man is alone and there is no hope.

"Henry said we'll get a new movie next week."

"Another war flick? Why do you think they show us war movies in the middle of a war?" Hawkeye squeezes his eyes shut, welcoming the change in subject.

"Nope. Olivia de Havilland in To Each His Own."

"I love her. Even her curves have curves." Hawkeye squeezes his eyes now, trying to remember what the actress looks like. Trying to remember what any woman looks like. "Tell me about your wife again, Trap."

"Things aren't bad enough without you bringing her into it?"

"Then tell me about your date with Nurse O'Brien last weekend."

"Are you that desperate?"

"More than desperate. I haven't touched a girl in at least three weeks, and she was so small I had to throw her back." Encouraged by the chuckle he elicits from Trapper, Hawkeye rolls onto his back, staring into the darkness where he knows his tent roof is. He's wide awake now but the edges of his fear have been chased away so he keeps talking, though they're both yawning. "If you don't tell me about her, then I'll ask about your mother."

"You wouldn't."

"You want to find out?"

***

The first thing that Hawkeye notices when he wakes up is that he's warm. Or at least warmish. Sitting up, he tosses back the blankets and looks around his tent. His empty tent. No Frank humming as he clips his toenails. No Radar shaking his shoulder to tend to wounded. No Trapper.

Hawkeye scrubs his hands over his face, already thinking of a shower. He reaches for his watch, finding instead a small, black and white picture of a woman he recognizes as Mrs. McIntyre--and not Trapper's wife. Hawkeye falls back onto the bed laughing until he cries then cries until he sleeps, wondering how he would survive without Trapper.

Comments

[canpin.livejournal.com]

the quiet is too quiet and the loud is too loud, the hot is too hot and the cold is too cold. Everything is extremes in Korea, and sometimes it feels like a man is alone and there is no hope.

that line got me. beautiful, and very nicely done

[almaviva.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. I appreciate the comment.

[stillwell.livejournal.com]

Lovely, even in its brevity. You sure have their voices down. Thanks!

[almaviva.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[takenhawkeye.livejournal.com]

Oh, wonderful, simply wonderful. Your characterization is perfect, and I envy you your diction. The whole idea is just lovely, and I adore it. Marvelous job, really.

I am curious, though -- does Hawkeye ask BJ to tell him about BJ's date with Nurse O'Brien?

The ending is so sweet, and I must say, just fitting.

Wonderful job, once again.

Farewell.

[pomkeygeekange.livejournal.com]

Its good apart from one or two bloopers. Henry wasn't there when BJ was, BJ wouldn't date nurses. Did you mean Trapper by any chance. Other than that it was a great story, very sweet and touching in a friendship kinda way.

[almaviva.livejournal.com]

I did mean Trapper, thank you for pointing it out. When I wrote this, I had Trapper's voice in my mind but it never even dawned on me that I had mixed him and BJ up. All fixed now.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it despite that, and thank you for letting me know.

[almaviva.livejournal.com]

Thank you, though I did make some errors as were pointed out. It's fixed now.

When I was writing, I had the voice of Trapper in my mind but, for whatever reason, named him BJ and never batted an eye. Hawkeye asks Trapper about the date, which makes more sense in the canon.

Thank you for you comments. I really appreciated them.

[evila-elf.livejournal.com]

Very nicely done :)

[vampirespider.livejournal.com]

I forgot to feed back this first time around, 'cause I suck, but I just wanted to tell you how good it is. It is, it's perfectly them, hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time.