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[captain-lubey.livejournal.com]

Title: I Know It’s Wrong But…

Author: Me!

Pairing: Charles/BJ

Rating: 15

Warnings: Slash (duh)

Disclaimer: I don’t own MASH

Summary: Charles never thought that he would fall in love in Korea. But then he met Captain Hunnicutt…

I would give my very soul to be in Boston at this very moment, where winter is pleasant and spent by the fire with my sister, 100 year old cognac and Mozart.

Instead I am here in Korea, bundled up on an impossibly uncomfortable army cot sipping 100 year old coffee and listening to my two moronic cellmates talk about Bette Davis.

In actuality I am only listening to your voice, which is one of the very few pleasures I get here. The way he cracks a joke and you reply with a wit as sharp as a scalpel (good Lord I’ve been hear too long my similes are getting pathetically simple). Then the roles are reversed, you joke and he replies with his equally quick wit. This repertoire you have together makes me feel…insignificant somehow.

I want to have this with you, easy flowing conversation that can change to jocularity in a split second. I also want…you.
As much as it repulses me to admit it, I am dangerously attracted to you and have been since the day I arrived here. I have tried to deny this as it is not normal but more than once I have pleasured myself whilst thinking of you (when the Swamp is empty of course).

The door to the Swamp slams shut and I am brought out of my musings. We are alone; your ‘partner in crime’ has post op duty.

‘Something wrong Charles?’ you ask. It appears I had been ‘staring into space’ as they say.

I shake my head. ‘No, nothing that is your business anyway.’

You frown. ‘Sorry, just asking.’

The Swamp falls silent, the only noise coming from that wretched still as it creates more of your gin. I look over at you and a feeling of utter elation takes over my being. I could just walk over to your cot and kiss you. It seems like the simplest thing in the world, and the hardest.

You look up from your darning with an unreadable expression on your face.

‘Can I help you Charles?’

I shake my head. ‘No, I was just thinking, a skill that you have not been blessed with.’

‘Could you say something civil to me just once?’ you glare at me with those ocean blue eyes and I can feel the prepared insult retreat back into my throat.

‘Sorry.’ I mutter and focus on a spot on my pant leg. Good Lord I am acting like a lovesick teenager!

‘Whoa, Charles Winchester is apologising? I do believe Hell has frozen over.’

A laugh escapes you and I force myself not to grin, after all it is incredibly infectious.

‘I do believe it has.’ I reply and head over to my record player. The previous silence had been deafening and I didn’t want a repeat.

‘Would you mind dreadfully if I put on some Beethoven?’ I find myself asking rather uncharacteristically.

You look at me in surprise. ‘Why do you care about my opinion all of a sudden?’

I shrug. ‘I thought I would be polite and ask first.’

Your expression changes to one of slight worry. ‘Are you sure you’re in full health Charles?’

I nod. ‘So? May I?’

You nod too and I place a record in the player. The beautiful sounds of Fur Elise enter the Swamp and I close my eyes peacefully. When I open them again I see that you look rather upset.

‘What’s the matter?’ I sound harsher than I meant to.

You shrug. ‘Nothing.’

Oh no, we are not going to play this game again. I move off my own cot and sit next to you. I get warmer instantly, whether it is the combined body heat or my shielded embarrassment I can’t tell.

‘I’m going to regret this but I’m only asking because I’m deathly bored. Why is it that you went sombre as soon as I put on this record?’

You look up at me with sad blue eyes and I feel my heart jump.

‘Peg can play this. She used to sit at the piano after dinner some nights and play it for Erin.’

‘Would you like me to turn it off?’ I whisper.

You shake your head. ‘No, I can picture her perfectly when I hear this.’

I sigh. You are a complicated man Hunnicutt. I continue to watch you, thankful that you are less than a foot away. I could lean in and kiss you now if I really wanted to. You are vulnerable and tired…but that would be needlessly cruel…I don’t know if I could do that.

Without turning to face me you mutter. ‘Charles, why are you staring at me?’ 

I don’t have a suitable answer for that and when I don’t reply you turn to look at me.

'Charles?’

I had no control over my actions. Before I could register what I had done I was kissing you, tasting your sweet mouth, feeling your moustache tickle my upper lip. The best (or worst) part was that you were kissing me back, in all your vulnerable glory.

I pull away in shame and stand up abruptly. You look at me in utter confusion.

‘Charles?’ I know this is the beginning of a rather long conversation so I stop you.

‘No…BJ…I’m sorry. I took advantage of you and I know you don’t want any of this. Let’s just forget.’

You stand up too. ‘I can do that…but can you?’

I sigh. Of course I can’t, I am dangerously attracted to you and everyday that I watch you and Pierce together is like being punched in the chest.

‘Of course, why would you ever think otherwise?’

I turn on my heel and leave the Swamp. The frigid air would do me some good.

END