[challenge] Moving on

[dougs.livejournal.com]

Last night, loneraven wrote:
> Today's challenge, then, taken randomly from New Scientist:
> It was a bit like-

Like much of my writing, this takes its rise from events in my own life. You have to learn to leave the past behind, especially if it's crippling your participation in the present, or the future.

I don't think it's especially good -- there are some dodgy rhymes and there could be better resonances between the first eight lines and the last six. And I don't much like the 4+4+6 structure either, I'm more at home with 4+4+4+2.

Never mind. It took about twelve minutes.

With apologies to Henry.

It was a bit like opening a chest
To rearrange the metalled flesh inside,
That feeling that you get: you've done your best,
But nonetheless, your latest patient died.

It was a bit like learning how to beg
That bike between your thighs to play the game,
That feeling that you get: you broke your leg,
But nonetheless, you'll learn to ride again.

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,
Or close your heart up with your muddled head."
He's gone, he won't be back, that much is sure,
The sea has claimed it's daily share of dead.
He may one day be washed up on some shore,
But I must cleave to someone else instead.

Comments

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

Well, i like it.
xx