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Mar. 13th, 2007 06:58 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
usedusername.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
mash_slashEditing AGAIN. Oi. Decided mentioning flames was whiney/pointless. Besides, the folks who commented have raised my ego enough not to care much. Thanks, guys. :)
Kim-episode fic. I hate the episode Kim. For the record, the first part could be fitted easily into the ep. but the second part really can't be. So...AU?
This is mostly for a person who adores Kim. I just wanted to do a Trapper character piece, though, so it's all good.
VERY E RATED. I mean, insanely.
Pairings: Hawkeye/Trapper kind of, but really Trapper/Louise.
Summary: Peace can't last.
"God I miss 'em." Trapper mumbles into Kim's hair, and it may be to Hawkeye or the child or no one, because when he says it it has no direction. A general, all-around paternal ache of longing to be home that doesn't need a direction.
He bounces Kim on his knee, hugging the little boy to his chest with one hand. With the other, he holds a picture of his girls in front of them both. "Kathy," He says, rearranging Kim on his lap to free his hand and point, "and Becky. Gonna be your sisters. Yeah? Sisters. You like that! Yeah; thought you would."
Together they sit in quiet contentment; unnatural peace, with Trapper mumbling into the kid's ear, Kim giggling to words he doesn't know, and Hawkeye smiling into a letter from his dad, watching them too closely to even pretend to be reading. A fake, artificially homespun peace that can't quite exist in war. That only exists with a child, so happy and oblivious, to take them into other times when happiness and oblivion were normalcy.
"Hey, Hawk." Trapper says abruptly, and the spell is broken. The war falls back into place. "C'mere."
"Why?"
"'Cause I'm on Post-op in a few minutes. Hold the kid, huh?"
Hawkeye clucks at Trapper gently, "Already scrounging for a babysitter?" He stands to take Kim from Trapper's arms, but Trapper's reluctant to let him go. Proud smile and hands lingering on Kim's stomach, holding him close; the renewed second-nature of a father.
He talks as though he's willing to let Kim go,"Aw, c'mon. He falls asleep on me, I'll never be able to leave."
"Would you even want to?" Hawkeye says, laughing."Forget it. I'll cover Post-op for you."
"Thanks."
Hawkeye heads to the door, casting a glance over his shoulder. He smiles at Trapper and the laughing little boy who is, indeed, growing tired. Tiny head crooked, nuzzling into Trapper's chest.
"See you later, Daddy."
****
Kim's gone.
Hawkeye and Trapper are suitably drunk and Trapper's leaning against him. Hot, heavy; dead weight.
"I'ma good dad, Hawkeye." Trapper says, slick smooth, words melting together, "I'da been a good dad to Kim, too."
And for the first time, it occurs to Hawkeye that even with best-friend status, he's not Trapper's life. Not even a part of it. Trapper's life is Boston; Kathy and Becky and Louise, and in Korea Trapper's life is Kim, and now it's neither because it's all gone. All he is is a quick, temporary replacement of life, where he's only included in parental duties of a Korean boy because Louise isn't there. Where he's only important until Trapper can reclaim at least part of his life.
He can't soothe Trapper because he's never had life like that, always had most of his life in one place, deep-seated inside of him. But he holds Trapper close anyway, pats his shoulder and mutters into his hair."I know, I know." , with Trapper's hands curled tight in his clothes, Trapper's face buried in his throat.
And Trapper yells; yells because he can't find it in himself to cry. Coarse and thick and insane, muffled against Hawkeye's skin. He yells and Hawkeye's hands clasp at his back, but there's no comfort. And his shout dies with a whine; only the sound of a human because of the emotions that rise beneath it. His mouth is moving as though he wants to shout again, shout and shout and never stop, but instead the only sound is his tongue clicking against his teeth as he holds it all back.
He pulls away and Hawkeye catches his eyes. And within a second he has switched from life to half-life; Korea-life where it's not really much of anything at all, "I'm glad his mom's got'im back."
"No, you're not." Hawkeye says, rubbing the back of Trapper's neck. Trapper swallows and looks away, moving to get a drink.
He nods in agreement that's too tired to have an ounce of shame.
"No, I'm not."
Kim-episode fic. I hate the episode Kim. For the record, the first part could be fitted easily into the ep. but the second part really can't be. So...AU?
This is mostly for a person who adores Kim. I just wanted to do a Trapper character piece, though, so it's all good.
VERY E RATED. I mean, insanely.
Pairings: Hawkeye/Trapper kind of, but really Trapper/Louise.
Summary: Peace can't last.
"God I miss 'em." Trapper mumbles into Kim's hair, and it may be to Hawkeye or the child or no one, because when he says it it has no direction. A general, all-around paternal ache of longing to be home that doesn't need a direction.
He bounces Kim on his knee, hugging the little boy to his chest with one hand. With the other, he holds a picture of his girls in front of them both. "Kathy," He says, rearranging Kim on his lap to free his hand and point, "and Becky. Gonna be your sisters. Yeah? Sisters. You like that! Yeah; thought you would."
Together they sit in quiet contentment; unnatural peace, with Trapper mumbling into the kid's ear, Kim giggling to words he doesn't know, and Hawkeye smiling into a letter from his dad, watching them too closely to even pretend to be reading. A fake, artificially homespun peace that can't quite exist in war. That only exists with a child, so happy and oblivious, to take them into other times when happiness and oblivion were normalcy.
"Hey, Hawk." Trapper says abruptly, and the spell is broken. The war falls back into place. "C'mere."
"Why?"
"'Cause I'm on Post-op in a few minutes. Hold the kid, huh?"
Hawkeye clucks at Trapper gently, "Already scrounging for a babysitter?" He stands to take Kim from Trapper's arms, but Trapper's reluctant to let him go. Proud smile and hands lingering on Kim's stomach, holding him close; the renewed second-nature of a father.
He talks as though he's willing to let Kim go,"Aw, c'mon. He falls asleep on me, I'll never be able to leave."
"Would you even want to?" Hawkeye says, laughing."Forget it. I'll cover Post-op for you."
"Thanks."
Hawkeye heads to the door, casting a glance over his shoulder. He smiles at Trapper and the laughing little boy who is, indeed, growing tired. Tiny head crooked, nuzzling into Trapper's chest.
"See you later, Daddy."
****
Kim's gone.
Hawkeye and Trapper are suitably drunk and Trapper's leaning against him. Hot, heavy; dead weight.
"I'ma good dad, Hawkeye." Trapper says, slick smooth, words melting together, "I'da been a good dad to Kim, too."
And for the first time, it occurs to Hawkeye that even with best-friend status, he's not Trapper's life. Not even a part of it. Trapper's life is Boston; Kathy and Becky and Louise, and in Korea Trapper's life is Kim, and now it's neither because it's all gone. All he is is a quick, temporary replacement of life, where he's only included in parental duties of a Korean boy because Louise isn't there. Where he's only important until Trapper can reclaim at least part of his life.
He can't soothe Trapper because he's never had life like that, always had most of his life in one place, deep-seated inside of him. But he holds Trapper close anyway, pats his shoulder and mutters into his hair."I know, I know." , with Trapper's hands curled tight in his clothes, Trapper's face buried in his throat.
And Trapper yells; yells because he can't find it in himself to cry. Coarse and thick and insane, muffled against Hawkeye's skin. He yells and Hawkeye's hands clasp at his back, but there's no comfort. And his shout dies with a whine; only the sound of a human because of the emotions that rise beneath it. His mouth is moving as though he wants to shout again, shout and shout and never stop, but instead the only sound is his tongue clicking against his teeth as he holds it all back.
He pulls away and Hawkeye catches his eyes. And within a second he has switched from life to half-life; Korea-life where it's not really much of anything at all, "I'm glad his mom's got'im back."
"No, you're not." Hawkeye says, rubbing the back of Trapper's neck. Trapper swallows and looks away, moving to get a drink.
He nods in agreement that's too tired to have an ounce of shame.
"No, I'm not."
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Date: 2007-03-14 01:34 am (UTC)I love Hawkeye's POV throughout, and Korea-life as half-life, and Hawkeye who carries everything important with him...
:-) xx
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Date: 2007-03-14 01:36 am (UTC)Lol at your icon.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 01:39 am (UTC):-) xx
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Date: 2007-03-14 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 01:54 am (UTC)Don't stop writing, for heaven's sake!
:-) xx
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Date: 2007-03-14 04:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-14 04:22 am (UTC)