a little fic

[canpin.livejournal.com]

this is my first 'long fic' that i've ever cared to show the world- it's not v. racy- just vague- but it's my first go so it can only get better. written this afternoon after seeing 'Sons and Bowlers'. i was moved.

Title: 'undeniably' [from the 2nd whitlams for lack of other creative thoughts]
Disclaimer: I don’t own M*A*S*H or any of the characters- just a perverted mind [not a bad thing!]
Pairing: i'll leave that to you. pretty easy to guess really
Rating: PG <- i think. any complaints or suggestions...
Archiving: yes please, if you think it nesesscary

---
I often wonder when it changed.
You always pretended not to notice me. Ok, I wasn’t subtle. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not discreet in matters of the heart- but that’s hardly a revelation. I’ve just always been a flirt, I know that- I think everyone does really. I just… I just thought that- here… it was different. I tried so hard- but always, always I was cut down in mid-speech, mid-gestation or indignation with a scathing, hurtful remark. I never really let my guard down because of that- neither did you. Both hiding the truth behind each other.
Then it began. Perhaps it was when attentions from another ‘friend’ were lacking in that needed affection- it was then I noticed those side-long glances. Those, quick, sly little looks you gave- thinking I’d never see [heaven forbid]. But…I did see- and it stirred something inside of me- no, not sexually- I’m not all like that honestly! It was something else... I mean interest was there, certainly. I’m only human right? A man of your rank- a man of your stature…size…
I always thought you’d turn away if accused. [“why that’s preposterous Pierce…”] You’d- make a joke funny only to you- and laugh at my expense, my foolishness. But…something had changed. You opened up to me for a second -a spilt second there- and I saw…you. You, without the hurt, the cage, that protection. I saw the pain on your face- and I realised that yes, you are a human being. Like the rest of us here in this hell.
I understood- yet still I wonder when it changed.

I tell you this now and you pretend not to hear me, not listening. You think I am fickle. Well maybe, yes, I am- but not in an overly shallow way. It’s stupid, I know and it’s dangerous- yes I know that too. But you cannot deny that it is here, holding this air between us so fantastically.
And it works still. You wouldn’t dare say otherwise, not after, well, THAT.
---

all feedback is appreciated. really.

Comments

[minttown1.livejournal.com]

I really like the idea of this story, and the voice and writing are very good. I noticed a handful of errors, though, probably just typos. If you'd like a beta reader (a sort of proofreader) in the future, my inbox is always open.

Keep up the writing. As I said before, you're a much braver person than I.

Re:

[canpin.livejournal.com]

thanks- remember that you offered! thank you

[lowfatcat.livejournal.com]

huh, i really enjoyed this-that's kind of rare with me. But i really think i got the essence of what you were trying to get across. very good, very clear, very simple. WRITE MORE PLEASE!

Re:

[canpin.livejournal.com]

thank you very much...i'll have to 'be inspired' again- the rest i try is crap

[yonmei.livejournal.com]

What pairing?

Re:

[canpin.livejournal.com]

hawkeye/charles. i thought it was to easy

[(Anonymous)]

Interesting pairing, and yet I can acctually see it, not as much as Hawkeye/Trapper, but it works. Winchester is so much more human than Frank.

Oh another thing, I'm too cheap to pay for a livejournal, however I really want one. Anybody want to give me a code? Please?(I figure it can't hurt to ask)
Kraftdinnergirl@laundromatic.net