mash_slash | [mijmeraar] what men do, Trapper-centric, 13+ (Reply)

Title: what men do.
Characters/Pairing: Trapper, mildly implied Trapper/Hawkeye.
Rating: 13+
WC: 305.
AN: oh, the angst.

You took charcoal from the snuffed out fire and etched the world on a worn out Boston Globe. You would steal pens, or pencils, cardboard, and sing songs yet unheard with your fingertips. You dreamt of better, of bigger, of life; you hoped.

Your daddy gave you a stethoscope, and made other plans.

*

You hid Tennyson back, back, back in the darkest corner.

He sat waiting, with Doyle, and Poe. He’d wait forever.

*

You married Louise because you were in love, once, and you never gave love easy. One half of a whole you never truly understood, Louise helped you piece together. You were outside this life, another layer, and they kept you afloat, your girls.

They loved the man that was, not the man that could have been.

*

You wore the ring, it didn’t fit right.

You did the best you could with it.

*

You were manufactured. G.I. Johnny. Poked, prodded, put to the test; slap on some olive drab and shiny decoration. Box up, barcode [31256873] and ship to Korea, the price to pay yet to be seen. You tried to say no thank you, this isn’t for me, but you were in the back of the line being pushed.

Keep up. This is what men do.

*

You saw young boys turned to soldiers, fighting for the cause.

You saw yourself in them.

*

He spoke with freedom you were never afforded, the same thick skin [gags, girls, gin]. You stood back, watched, enraptured; you saw the hero of your stories, the shades and lines and curves of the worlds you never created. You looked, fearful, over the precipice – he pushed you.

You told him everything. He listened.

*

You were never Hawkeye’s second string.

If you were, you would have let him play you ‘til the end.