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[hawkeyesmartini.livejournal.com]

Title : There’s Nothing Like A...//4 - "Currently Untitled"
Author: hawkeyesmartini <:3D~
Rating: PG13
Fandom: M*A*S*H
Pairing & Genre: Bit o’ Hawpper – romance/comedy/etc
Feedback: Appreciated
Archive: Different LJs and communities, my website. Ask before archiving.
Email: hawkeyest1stmartini@yahoo.com

Warnings: Language, slash, bit out of character
Summary: The nurses are gone, and the guys are desperate.
Disclaimers: M*A*S*H not mine, nor are Hawkeye and Trapper. They just wish they were mine. ^_^
A/N : Sorry so short. Next part should be longer.

<:3D~

Trapper didn’t head to the Officer’s Club, instead he led Hawkeye back behind the motor pool to a small stream that flowed off down into the distance to join some other streams. Steams can’t be antisocial forever, you know. Hawkeye wanted to refuse to open his mouth first, but Trapper sat down on the rocks at the edge of the stream and was tossing a few pebbles in, not speaking.

"This is your idea of a drink?" Hawkeye said finally. "Am I s’posed to get down on my hands and knees and slurp?"

Trapper snorted. "I wouldn’t." he said honestly, reaching into his jacket and coming up with a flask. "Here."

"Finest kind?"

"You know it."

"Good," Hawkeye eased himself down onto some flat rocks near Trapper. "Sure beats not knowing things."

"Well, that depends, sometimes."

"Do I disgust you?"

"What?" The other man appeared to be startled, turning to look at Hawkeye, which he had not done for some time now.

The brunette handed the flask back and looked at him evenly. "You heard me. Is it because I date other men? I try not to talk about it, and I don’t make it someone else’s business, you know that. I never have."

"Yeah."

"Is it just the idea of it? Should I have told you?"

"Yeah! I mean, no, it’s not anything like that. It’s not you. I’ve always been just fine with you. I mean, it’s you, what am I supposed to do, run away screaming?"

"You practically did last night."

Trapper shook his head and sighed. "I know."

"Well, what? Did I do something, or say...?"

"No, I told you, it’s not you." he said patiently. He sounded so tired.

"Then what? Tell me, why’d you leave? Were you just teasing me?"

"Nuh uh. I wouldn’t do that." Trapper took a heavy swig from the flask and passed it on. "I just...I just had to go."

"Why?" Hawkeye repeated, sounding pained.

"Because...well, you wouldn’t understand. Or maybe you would, I dunno."

"Try me."

He hesitated. "It’s...oh, just...can we forget about it, what d’ya say? I didn’t mean to make you mad, really. And I wasn’t setting you up."

Hawkeye sighed again. "Well...I guess I just have to trust you."

"You don’t?"

"I don’t know."

Pause. "You said that awful fast."

"Well, I...don’t. I mean...Trap, things were just fine. I knew something like this was coming, I really did. Nothing’s ever really ‘good’ and lasting when it comes to me. You know you’re the only friend I’ve ever had that’s stayed the same after I told?" Hawkeye kicked at the rocks and a few went tumbling down the small bank and into the stream with soft splashes. Trapper opened his mouth but Hawkeye barged on. "Most of ‘em decided they couldn’t be in the same building as me anymore. Others gradually stopped talking to me, and some made it perfectly clear that my company wasn’t welcome any longer. It hurts, and I get used to it, and it’s awhile until I tell anyone else. I don’t just tell anyone on the street, you know that. I only tell people if I think they deserve to know, or will be all right with it. Nothing really changed when I told you...and I thought everything was good and then... Why the hell did you have to ask me to dance the first place? You never did say why."

"I don’t know." Trapper answered after a moment. "I just...I don’t know. I thought it would be okay."

"It was, until you had some very pressing appointment to keep, or whatever."

"I’m sorry, Hawk. I just had to go. I felt funny."

"Felt funny? Funny how? Funny ha ha, or funny queer?"

Trapper slid his eyes over to Hawkeye, who spread his hands and looked at a loss. Trapper shook his head. "I can’t explain. You still mad at me?"

"Well...no. Not really. Just...confused, mostly." Hawkeye ran a hand through his hair and stared at the water. At least the water had a place to go where it belonged and a clear track of how to get there. Those seemed to be rather short these days.

"I wouldn’t have gone unless I had to."

"Well, not anything anyone can do about it now." he reached over for the whiskey flask. "Except Frank knows."

"Really."

"Yeah. Started yapping ‘bout what he over heard from two enlisted that must’ve been there last night."

"He’s gonna go tell everyone an’ their brother." Trapper observed.

"Yeah, you’d think that, wouldn’t you? Which reminds me – you wanna help me glue his legs to his cot?"

"Always. Uh...Hawk?"

"Yeah, yeah?"

Trapper was visibly uncomfortable. "I got one more thing to ask you."

"What’s that?"

"Um...well...do you...wanna go to the movie tomorrow with me?" he looked away.

Hawkeye turned back. "What?"

"You heard me."

Hawkeye looked back down at the stream and wondered how cold the water was. "That sounds like a date," he said finally.

"Guess it does."

"Was that intentional?"

He shrugged. "If you don’t want to, I get that, especially how I walked out before. I won’t do that again. Up to you, though."

Hawkeye was quiet for a long time. "Why?" he looked up.

Trapper shrugged and held out the whiskey flask. "Might be interesting."

"Uh huh. ‘Might’ be ‘interesting’. Well. Aren’t you Mister Casual Crusader lately. You’re talking a completely nonchalant just for the hell of it thing?"

"Well, I dunno. I’ve never dated a man before."

"I gathered that, what with the being straight and all." Hawkeye said dryly. Slowly, he stretched his hands out and leaned back on his hands. "I don’t know, Trap. And it’s not just because of what happened last night or that I’m still leery of being set up. And don’t take it personally unless you have a reason to. It might be different if I didn’t know you or if it wasn’t such a big deal that men date each other. I might say ‘sure’, then. But it is a big deal, you can’t be casual about it, even if it’s just once, unless you want more trouble than you can shake a stick at. And I do know you – you’re my best friend. It’d really rather keep it that way then blow it all on something stupid and unnecessary. I really don’t want to end up in a bad place. And I...well...I don’t want to lose...Jesus, Trapper. I don’t know what you want from me."

"Well, like I said, up to you." Trapper sighed after a long moment.

"No, I think it’s up to you. To your intentions. Trap, you’re acting like it’s as normal as a guy asking a woman out, and it’s not."

"Yeah, I know."

"Then talk to me!" Hawkeye nearly exploded. "What do you want from me? With things, us? Why the sudden interest in I don’t even know what? Are you just trying to relieve boredom, cause using me isn’t the best way to get on my Christmas card list. And if you’re curious...God, there’s better ways to go about that too. Whatever it is you’re up to, you’re not making it easy on me."

The other man shrugged again. "Who’s to say what’s easy?"

"Trapper! I’m going to flatten your nose!"

"What’d I do?"

"What didn’t you do?"

"Get yer answer."

"I can’t...with the...tell me what it is exactly that you’re asking and I will."

Trapper lifted a shoulder and let it drop. "Just to go see the movie. Maybe a drink afterwards in the O.C."

Hawkeye frowned in suspicion. "That’s it?"

"Pretty much."

"Well...fine then." He still looked confused and wondered why he wasn’t getting any eye contact. "That’s just fine, we’ll go to the movie and have a drink. And that’s it." He looked over deliberately for confirmation. < Well hell, that’s just a normal day, > he thought. < Why’s he have to call it a date now? What’s he playin’ at? >

Trapper shrugged. He either was really not that sure of himself, or knew something he wasn’t saying. "Well, we’ll just see how it goes."

"’See how it goes’, that sounds promising."

"Doesn’t it? Well, I’m beat." He stood up suddenly and stretched. "Thinkin’ ‘bout sack time, hmm?"

Hawkeye raised an eyebrow. "Sure." He said slowly. "I’ll wake up tomorrow and all of this will be a dream."

"Strange things happen in dreams." Trapper finally looked at him and grinned as they walked away from the stream.

"And sometimes they’re not nightmares right away." Hawkeye added softly.

"Where you goin’?" Trapper called when they were back in the compound and Hawkeye began to walk away from the Swamp.

"Talk to someone." He called back, hands shoved into his pockets. "I’ll be back later, no worries."

"Uh huh." Trapper yawned and then trudge into the Swamp, hoping for sleep to come quickly so he wouldn’t have to dwell on what he’d just done and all the possibilities for consequences.

<:3D~