and I dreamed I was flying; Trapper POV, G

[vampirespider.livejournal.com]

I wrote fic. Sort of. This is really a double drabble that sort of ran over. Almost gen, though I suppose you could read it as H/T. G




and I dreamed I was flying


Sometimes he dreams he’s dying, that all he can see and feel is darkness, black oblivion slipping past him. They’re mostly peaceful dreams, he feels tranquil and calm, slipping, slipping further and further away from anything, everything and it’s almost bliss, so quiet and so peaceful.

Sometimes, though, sometimes he hears voices in the dream, more often than not Kathy and Becky, their voices high-pitched and scratchy, out of sync as they call for him, daddy don’t go, daddy come back, daddy, daddy please, the way they called for him in the airport, realizing that this wasn’t just Dad going to the office. Other times, less often, it’s Hawkeye, sounding worn and tired and strained, the way he does after 36 hours of surgery or after the death of one of his patients. Hawkeye just repeats his name, Trapper Trap c’mon Trapper, an endless litany of helplessness.

And he tries to reach out, tries to hold his girls, wants to kiss them goodbye and tell them it’ll be all right, he tries to touch Hawkeye and say he’s not going anywhere, pretty lies, but he can’t reach the distant voices, he can’t move, has no way to comfort because he’s dying, he’s dead, he’s turning into dust, can feel himself crumbling in the darkness, and despite all this, despite the distant voices, the need to hold, to touch, he’s glad, he’s calm, he’s glad. Because sometimes, sometimes, he dreams he’s dying and they aren’t.