my first M*A*S*H crossover fic

[panic-4077th.livejournal.com]

Title: B*A*M 4077th (viva la bam and M*A*S*H crossover)
Author: steph b.
Pairing: hawkeye/bam radar/dico possibly others
Disclaimer: iown none of the M*A*S*H people or the viva la bam people. i do how ever own a cute lil bunny ^_^
Rating: 17+
Summary:bam and his group of friends stumble upon a door that leads them to korea in the 50's so they bring there 21st century style and bam falls in love ^_^
*art to follow*
~part one~

It was a normal day at Castle Bam's, Bam and his crew wher hanging out thinking of stuff todo when rabb comes running from the basement.
"GUY'S! you have to check this out i found a portal to the 50s but it goes to korea." rabb said catching his breath.
the other four looked at him funny dunn finaly spoke up. "are you fucking serious" he said looking rabb in the eyes.
"yea you guys have to come see this its fucking cool." they all stood up and followed rabb down to the basement, they stopped in awe as rabb opend the door to look out on to a M*A*S*H camp. "aw wow my grandad tould me about these there moble hospital things." said bam walking through the door and on to the dirt road.
rabb followed then dunn then dico and rake. "is that a gypsy?' questioned dico pointing to a oddly dressed man walking twords them.
"hay there iam klinger section 8 all the way.are you the new mess tent guys?" he said/asked. "um no buy why are you dressed like that?" asked dico looking at klingers blue dress with light green top and sequins all over it. "iam trying to get a section 8 and get the heck outa here and back to toledo, so who are you guys anyway?" klinger continued. "well iam bam this is dico rake dunn and rabb." said bam looking around. "well nice to meet you guy's, would you like me to show you around we havent had any casuties today, an may i add what strange clothing you guys have i like it." klinger said. "yea its the style where were from, and yes to the tour that sounds cool if its no trouble." said dunn. " yea yea its no problem with me, lets see first i'll take you by to see co. potter and radar then introduce you to the doctors an nurses. then to the mess tent for some slop." kliger laughed. "who's that over there?" asked rake pointing to one of the doctors."oh thats hawkeye one of our best and finest doctors in this place,HAY HAWKEYE MEET MY NEW FRIENDS!" yelled klinger to the doctor. hawkeye walked over and asked. "whats up klinger? ah you five must be klingers new friends iam hawkeye and you are?" "my names bam this is dico rabb rake and dunn. and yes we are aware of our strange clothing." bam said smileing at hawkeye. hawkeye caught this and gave his own smirk back. "i was gonna show em arounds care to join us?" "shure why not O.R. is dead today." as they walked along bam was chatting to hawkeye about stuff *u'll find out later* dunn and rabb where talking about this place and rake dico and klinger where laughing about the looks hawkeye and bam exchanged a while ago. "this one time me and my bunk mate BJ put a rubber snake in this one surgins bed it was funny." "yea ti'll he got you back right?" stated klinger from the front of the group. "hay shut up." said hawk blushing lightly and lookin at bam."hay dont worry man i hate snakes too." said bam giving a evil glare twords klinger. "now bam he didnt mean anything by it." he gave a reashuring smile. they had just reached the mess tent when radar the company clerk came walking out. "oh hay hawkeye hay klinger...who are your friends?" he asked "oh this is rake dunn rabb dico and bam and guys this is radar our company clerk."

~end of part 1~ revew an i might post more ^____^

p.s. sorry if some things arnt spelled right i dont have microsoft word to type this stuff in....^_^;
p.s.s. extra note this is short cuse i want to test my fic out ^_^ srry 4 wrong spelling

Comments

[angryhaiku.livejournal.com]

I think this is an interesting concept; certainly the idea of time travel and the 4077 isn't uncharted territory, but I do appreciate that you're using a crossover, rather than strict Mary Sues. I hope that you'll keep writing.

Just so you know, though, it's considered polite to put your story behind an LJ cut; if you don't know how to do one, the "help" section of the site can help. Also, using paragraph breaks (especially between character dialogue changes) can help your audience.

[panic-4077th.livejournal.com]

hay thanks ^___^

[panic-4077th.livejournal.com]

umm wheres the help thingy?

[privytodoom.livejournal.com]

This how you make an lj cut (http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=75) I'd also like to add that in addition to angryhiku's suggestions you might want to try typing you work in a word document first, and running spell check, and proper names should always begin with a capital letter.

[usedusername.livejournal.com]

I read this and then corrected mistakes I saw. If you'd like me to send you the 'corrected' (a term I use loosely, as it is a very good story and my beta-ing skills are weak) version, I will.

In any case: It's great...if you can understand it. The structure of this story is kind of odd, as is the grammar, so it's rather difficult to read. I'd work on spelling/grammar if I were you. Otherwise, it's a strong story with what seems to be the makings of a good plot. Please continue!

[panic-4077th.livejournal.com]

ya the list would help grately lol gramer isnt my best subjet nor is it my worst (thats math) lol ...oh i cant decide wether to have frank or charles in my story ....any input on that??

[usedusername.livejournal.com]

Oh. And I say Frank, because he contrasts the other characters better.

If you didn't check out the help, just put

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-cut*>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Oh. And I say Frank, because he contrasts the other characters better.

If you didn't check out the help, just put <lj-cut*> before the story and </lj-cut*> at the end. (without the *s though.)

[usedusername.livejournal.com]

And just ignore the 'error' part. Sorry.

[usedusername.livejournal.com]

Here's the story. Sorry for posting it before and then deleting it; I saw some obvious mistakes that I had to change. There's still probably a few, but if there are, I guess I'll just point them out later or something. I don't know 'Viva la Bam', though, so if I messed up the characters or something in my editing, I'm sorry.

****

It was a normal day at Castle Bam's. Bam and his crew were hanging out, thinking of stuff to do when Rabb came running from the basement.

"GUYS! You have to check this out; I found a portal to the '50s but it goes to Korea." Rabb said, catching his breath.

The other four looked at him funny. Dunn finally spoke up, "Are you fucking serious?" he said, looking Rabb in the eyes.

"Yeah! You guys have to come see this; it's fucking cool."

They all stood up and followed Rabb down to the basement. They stopped in awe as Rabb opened the door to look out on to a M.A.S.H camp.

"Aw, wow, my grandad told me about these. They're mobile hospital things." said Bam, walking through the door and onto the dirt road. Rabb followed, then Dunn, then Dico and Rake.

"Is that a gypsy?" questioned Dico, pointing to an oddly dressed man walking towards them.
"Hey there. I am Klinger, section 8 all the way. Are you the new mess tent guys?" he asked.

"Um... no. But why are you dressed like that?" asked Dico, looking at Klinger's blue dress with light green top and sequins all over it.

"I am trying to get a section 8 and get the heck outa here and back to Toledo. So who are you guys, anyway?" Klinger continued.

"Well, I am Bam, this is Dico, Rake, Dunn, and Rabb." said Bam, looking around.

"Well nice to meet you guys. Would you like me to show you around? We haven't had any casualties today. And may I add what strange clothing you guys have? I like it." Klinger said.

"Yeah, it's the style where we're from, and yes to the tour, that sounds cool if it's no trouble." said Dunn.

"Yeah, yeah, it's no problem with me. Let's see... first I'll take you by to see Col. Potter and Radar, then introduce you to the doctors and nurses. Then to the mess tent for some slop." Klinger laughed.

"Who's that over there?" asked Rake, pointing to one of the doctors.

"Oh, that's Hawkeye, one of our best and finest doctors in this place. HEY, HAWKEYE, MEET MY NEW FRIENDS!" yelled Klinger to the doctor.

Hawkeye walked over and asked, "What's up, Klinger? Ah! You five must be Klinger's new friends. I am Hawkeye and you are?"

"My names Bam, this is Dico, Rabb, Rake, and Dunn. And, yes, we are aware of our strange clothing." Bam said, smiling at Hawkeye. Hawkeye caught this and gave his own smirk back.

"I was gonna show 'em around. Care to join us?"

"Sure, why not; O.R. is dead today."

As they walked along, Bam was chatting to Hawkeye about stuff *you'll find out later*, Dunn and Rabb were talking about this place, and Rake, Dico and Klinger were laughing about the looks Hawkeye and Bam had exchanged a while ago.

"This one time me and my bunk mate BJ put a rubber snake in this one surgeon's bed. It was funny."

"Yeah, 'til he got you back, right?" stated Klinger from the front of the group.

"Hey, shut up." said Hawk, blushing lightly and looking at Bam.

"Hey, don't worry, man, I hate snakes too." said Bam, giving an evil glare towards klinger.

"Now, Bam, he didn't mean anything by it." he gave a reassuring smile.

They had just reached the mess tent when Radar, the company clerk, came walking out, "Oh, hey Hawkeye. Hey, Klinger...who are your friends?" he asked

"Oh, this is Rake, Dunn, Rabb, Dico, and Bam. Guys, this is Radar, our company clerk."

[silverotter.livejournal.com]

I love this story. I love it, love it, love it. Still though. I didn't love it til I read the corrected version, which is a lot easier on the eyes. Nonetheless, I LOVE this story idea. Extremely original.