I read this and then corrected mistakes I saw. If you'd like me to send you the 'corrected' (a term I use loosely, as it is a very good story and my beta-ing skills are weak) version, I will.

In any case: It's great...if you can understand it. The structure of this story is kind of odd, as is the grammar, so it's rather difficult to read. I'd work on spelling/grammar if I were you. Otherwise, it's a strong story with what seems to be the makings of a good plot. Please continue!