X-Rated - Part 1 (M)

[murf1013.livejournal.com]

Title: X-Rated - Part 1
Author: Me
Pairing: None ... yet.
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Nope, don’t own anything. Don’t sue ... no money.
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know.
Feedback: Would be appreciated - good or bad
Summary: Hawkeye and Trapper get a new roommate ... Let the jocularity begin!

Warning: Somewhat AU and possibly OOC - please don’t read if you don’t like that kind of thing. I have tried very hard to keep them as IC as I possibly could, though. This fic was written with tongue in cheek and should be taken as such.

A/N: The following changes to canon have been adjusted specifically for the purposes of this fic:

1) Trapper is not discharged.
2) Frank...is.
3) Since Trapper is still with the 4077th, Hawkeye doesn’t go running off to catch him, and thus does not pick up BJ and bring him back to camp.


X-Rated - Part 1

Comments

[murf1013.livejournal.com]

>>Now, that all out of the way... it's a competently written story.<<

Thank you.

>>The dialogue isn't terribly authentic (though I did like the line "I scream like a girl when I come" - that's Hawkeye) - it sounds like you need to listen to a lot more episodes to get their voices in your head.<<

Like I've said before...I don't have Trapper in my head. I just can't get him to speak to me. I've tried and tried. I just can't. His epis are on Hallmark right now and even after watching them...he. won't. talk. to. me! Damn him! ;)

The problem I have with Hawkeye and BJ is that, in my head, they sound very similar. They have the same cadance and way of speaking. When I'm watching them, I feel like their dialogue can be switched and it wouldn't change much. Maybe it's just me. I don't know.

>>the main problem is that it's a AU without, apparently, much of a purpose for being an AU.<<

And actually, to be perfectly truthful, that's almost the whole point of the story. My main objective was to get these three together. It was just supposed to be a funny fic. I didn't have any plans beyond that. BUT...now I actually plan to try and get it to be as IC as I can. I can't promise to make it more non-AU, but I'm definitely going to work on the characters. I don't want this to be a story that when someone reads it, they only know who's talking because I *say* that's who's talking.

I also plan to print up both of your comments and use them as a guide for this. The Frank stuff is very easy to fix. So that will be done pronto. The other stuff...still workin' on that.

Thanks again!

[janecarnall.livejournal.com]

My main objective was to get these three together. It was just supposed to be a funny fic.

Oh well. It falls over twice, I'm afraid: it's not a very good AU, and it's not a very funny story. :-( Really, writing a good AU is hard, and writing a funny story is likewise hard. Because, as Asimov famously said, you can aim at being informative and be a little bit informative, and you can aim at being entertaining and be a little bit entertaining, but when it comes to humour, you're either funny or you're not: it's a target that's all bullseye. If you miss the bullseye, you're not "a little bit funny", you're just not funny, and it's especially difficult in writing M*A*S*H when you haven't yet got any of the character's "voices" quite right yet. (Hawkeye nearest, but do correct the spelling of "cum" to "come".)

What I mean is: I think you were overly ambitious. You knew you couldn't write Trapper, and you half-knew you couldn't write BJ, and yet you aimed at writing an AU, which is a kind of fanfic that requires meticulous ability to render canon in areas of the show you're not changing.

Figure to yourself that the next story you write will be better. And avoid trying to write Trapper till you can get his "voice" right... :-)