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mijmeraar.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
mash_slash2005-06-29 11:26 pm
mijmeraar.livejournal.com) wrote in mash_slash2005-06-29 11:26 pm
Entry tags:
Mirage
There's only about 500 words of this but it was collecting dust on my hard-drive and I figured I'd share. It's Unbetad so throw any critiques my way :)
Title: Mirage
Author:![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mijmeraar
Pairing: B-eye
Rating: 13+
Summary: Just reflections. Hawkeye’s POV.
There were things he knew, in spite of the war and the endless string of jokes to drown out the endless string of bloody soldiers.
One – He was in love.
And it always surprised him to think about how different ‘loving’ and being ‘in love’ with someone’s truly was. Because a Colonel can love his horse and a pompous can love his cognac but a man can’t fall into love with these things so deeply that he almost forgets which hell he wakes up to every morning; because he can smell that lover, feel that lover and never want to forget it wasn’t a dream. He knew he was in love because he told more jokes, drank more gin and couldn’t hold either down when Radar came around with the mail and there was three letters from Mill Valley and a smile behind a stupid moustache.
Two. He was in trouble.
Because with the nurses, it was so easy. A few words here, a few kisses there and they would give themselves completely. Over and over just to feel something, to remember they were still human and still capable of feeling more then fear and dread. Supply closets, empty Swamps, V.I.P tents – just too easy. But being in love meant giving, not taking, and he was the one who burned, who craved, who wanted nothing more then to be capable of feeling more then fear and dread. His lover always returned to his own cot, the sound of envelopes rustling beneath his pillow and it was so cold on the other side of the room. On the other side of the war.
Three – He was destined to come second.
Korea was not a place to start something real, it was a place that one was forced to, to save lives as if anyone actually cares that these men die when they’d thrown them in the deep end in the beginning. A place to get drunk, completely washed out so there was little chance of remembering the blood and the complete and total waste. And he felt like he was the booze – a poor substitute for the real thing, a quick fix to help his lover forget about a life that seemed too far away; too out of reach. And all this time he’d been running a race – trying to keep up – but there had never been anything to win. One day they would say good bye, go home to a world that didn’t exist and tell stories about the war that never truly peeled back the layers.
Title: Mirage
Author:
mijmeraarPairing: B-eye
Rating: 13+
Summary: Just reflections. Hawkeye’s POV.
There were things he knew, in spite of the war and the endless string of jokes to drown out the endless string of bloody soldiers.
One – He was in love.
And it always surprised him to think about how different ‘loving’ and being ‘in love’ with someone’s truly was. Because a Colonel can love his horse and a pompous can love his cognac but a man can’t fall into love with these things so deeply that he almost forgets which hell he wakes up to every morning; because he can smell that lover, feel that lover and never want to forget it wasn’t a dream. He knew he was in love because he told more jokes, drank more gin and couldn’t hold either down when Radar came around with the mail and there was three letters from Mill Valley and a smile behind a stupid moustache.
Two. He was in trouble.
Because with the nurses, it was so easy. A few words here, a few kisses there and they would give themselves completely. Over and over just to feel something, to remember they were still human and still capable of feeling more then fear and dread. Supply closets, empty Swamps, V.I.P tents – just too easy. But being in love meant giving, not taking, and he was the one who burned, who craved, who wanted nothing more then to be capable of feeling more then fear and dread. His lover always returned to his own cot, the sound of envelopes rustling beneath his pillow and it was so cold on the other side of the room. On the other side of the war.
Three – He was destined to come second.
Korea was not a place to start something real, it was a place that one was forced to, to save lives as if anyone actually cares that these men die when they’d thrown them in the deep end in the beginning. A place to get drunk, completely washed out so there was little chance of remembering the blood and the complete and total waste. And he felt like he was the booze – a poor substitute for the real thing, a quick fix to help his lover forget about a life that seemed too far away; too out of reach. And all this time he’d been running a race – trying to keep up – but there had never been anything to win. One day they would say good bye, go home to a world that didn’t exist and tell stories about the war that never truly peeled back the layers.
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Farewell.
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<:3D~
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Wonderful. Thank you.
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Anyway, loved this. Though, I'm sure you're not surprised. I love how Hawkeye realizes that he's in love, yet he'll always be second to Peg.
Perfect characterization of both Hawkeye and BJ ... but I don't expect anything less from you :)